family - Musculoskeletal Health Australia (MHA)

15/Oct/2024

“Whooooa, and don’t it feel good!”

Gotta love the eighties and music from bands like Katrina and the Waves, right?

And even though we’re no longer in the depths of winter and you can imagine the summer sunshine just around the corner, I’m in Melbourne as I’m writing this and I’m a bit chilly from the quick walk I took round the block. Now back at my desk, I’m certainly feeling brighter than I did 15 minutes ago! Especially with the tune of that song stuck in my head.

While I was out I couldn’t help but notice how many people were also out for a stroll. It seems that everyone’s rediscovered walking now that the clouds are parting and the tempreture is set to rise.

Walking is one of the most positive things to have lingered post the pandemic with people contiuing to put on their walking shoes and hitting the paths. Walking is such a great way to exercise. It costs nothing, it’s suitable for most people, and it gets you out and about.

It’s a fantastic way to wind down after a long day of work. It can help you relax, especially if you’re feeling stressed or anxious.The fresh air, the exercise, and listening to something interesting – your family, a friend, a podcast or music – it’s a great way to boost your mood.

If you don’t exercise much, walking might be a good way for you to build up your activity levels – though be sure to talk with your doctor first to get the all-clear. Then start slow.

Try walking 30 minutes a day on most days of the week and you’ll really notice the health benefits. It can help you manage your pain, lose weight or maintain a healthy weight, it can lift your mood, help you get a good night’s sleep, improve your bone and joint health and increase heart and lung fitness.

If you can’t walk 30 minutes at a time, break the walking up over your day. Three 10 minute walks, six 5 minute walks…it all adds up.

And if 30 minutes most days isn’t achievable for you at the moment, set yourself a goal so that it becomes achievable. Think about your daily commitments, your level of fitness, your pain/fatigue levels and all of the other things that affect you day to day. Now create a SMART goal. That’s a goal that is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and has a Time-frame that works for you. Read our blog about goal setting for more info.

Walking tips

Wear comfortable, appropriate clothing and shoes. Your shoes should support your feet and have a non-slip sole. Clothes should be loose and/or stretchy enough to allow you to walk without restrictions. And don’t forget a hat on sunny days.
Warm up and cool down to prevent injuries or pain. While you might be eager to just get out there it’s important that you take the time to let your muscles and joints warm up. And when you’re close to finishing your walk, take the time to slow it down and give your body the chance to cool down. Don’t forget to incorporate some basic stretches after you’ve warmed up and after you’ve cooled down. Check out these ones from the Arthritis Foundation (USA).
Make it social (if you can) – walk with a friend, your family, kids, the dog.
Listen to music, audio books, podcasts. Going for a walk by yourself gives you space for some alone time. Listen to something that interests you and relax as you get some exercise.
Make walking a part of your regular routine. Go at the same time each day – e.g. before/after work, after lunch.
Be mindful while you’re walking. Really take time to be in the moment and experience the walk. How do your feet feel as they connect with the ground? What can you smell? How does the wind feel on your face? This is an opportunity to really connect with what you’re doing and savour every moment.
Explore new places. Visit new walking trails, parklands and suburbs. Mixing it up will make your walks more interesting. Comedian and radio host Tony Martin and his partner have spent more than 10 years exploring the streets of Melbourne, with the goal to walk every single street! While your goal doesn’t need to be this challenging, it may inspire you to use google maps or your GPS to discover new and interesting places to walk.
Take a water bottle – it can be thirsty work! And depending how far you’re walking, consider taking a small backpack for your water bottle and any other supplies you think may need such as snacks, a map, band aids (just in case) and your phone.
Track your walking with a pedometer or fitness activity tracker. This’s a great way to see how you’ve progressed over time. And many of the walking apps allow you to challenge others, so if you can’t physically walk together, you can in spirit.
Increase the distance and intensity of your walks over time. To see the health benefits from your walking, you need to push yourself to go further and harder.
And if you catch the walking bug (that sounds a little gross but you know what I mean), consider joining a walking or bushwalking group. You’ll meet other people who love walking, explore new places together and get lots of tips and advice to make your walking more enjoyable and challenging.

Contact our free national Helpline

If you have questions about your musculoskeletal condition, treatment options, telehealth, managing your pain or accessing services be sure to call our team. They’re available Monday to Thursday between 9am-5pm on 1800 263 265; email (helpline@muscha.org) or via Messenger.

More to explore

This isn’t an exhaustive list, but just some of the sites that provide useful info about different walks and trails in Australia.

Lisa Bywaters

16/Sep/2024

Spring brings with it much anticipated longer and warmer days, so let’s take the advantage and look at how we can sweep away the cobwebs and make ourselves sparkle this spring!

Unplug. We’re always connected these days, immersed in the news, social media, video chats, work/school, phone calls. We’re never far away from a phone, tablet or computer – and we need to step away. Schedule time to put it all aside: perhaps after dinner, or for an hour during your day, or for your entire Sunday. Whatever works for you and your commitments. Just make sure you take some time away from the digital world, step outside and breathe in the fresh, sweet smelling spring air.
Say no. We’re wired to want to please others, so we often find it difficult to say no. But that can make us become overwhelmed and stressed with the number of commitments we have. That’s why we need to look after ourselves and start saying no. The next time someone asks you to do something, give yourself a moment. Don’t answer immediately with an automatic ‘yes’. Ask yourself if this is something you want to do? Are you able to do it – physically and mentally? Do you have the time to do it? Will it bring you happiness? If you answered no to these questions, then you should say no to the request. You may disappoint some people and they may be a little unhappy with you. But you need to be true to who you are and stand firm. And don’t feel the need to give detailed reasons for saying no. Saying no is really hard, but it will become easier.
Change your routine. Do you feel like you’re stuck in a rut? I know it feels like Groundhog Day at times! So look at your routine. What can you change? Take your work/school commitments out of the equation for now. Do you spend your evenings on the couch? Or weekends doing the same old things? Stop and really think about what you would actually ‘like’ to do with your free time. Go for a bike ride? Take up painting? Visit a new place each week? Find things that you enjoy, and fill you with anticipation and happiness, and do them. Now think about your work routine. There may not be things you can change about work – but why not put on your favourite outfit/earrings/shoes/lipstick – even if you’re working from home. Or use some new stationary or bit of tech. It’s amazing how these small changes give us a mental boost.
Focus on the basics – eat well, move, sleep – repeat. This time of the year we have access to amazing fresh produce that’s just crying out to be made into delicious salads and stir fries. The days are getting longer and warmer so we can get outside more for our exercise. We can shed the heavy blankets and adjust our sleep habits. There’s never been a better time than now to focus on these basics and make improvements if needed. And finally, make sure you’re staying hydrated by drinking enough water each day.
Surround yourself with positive, upbeat people. Positivity and happiness is contagious. And in the midst of a pandemic – this is the kind of contagion we need. These people will inspire you, make you feel good about yourself and the world in general. Too much contact with negative people (in person and via social media) does the opposite and makes the world a gloomy place. So seek out the happy, positive people and enjoy their company. And if you can, ditch the negative people.
Take some time out to relax. Try strategies like mindfulness, visualisation and guided imagery. Or read a book, listen to music, walk the dog, create something, play a computer game, have a bubble bath or massage. Whatever relaxes you. And make sure you do these things on a regular basis. They’re not an indulgence – they’re a necessity and vital to our overall happiness and wellbeing.
Let’s get serious – sugar, fats, alcohol and drugs. Many of us have been seeking comfort in sugary and/or fatty foods more than we’d like. Or we’ve been using alcohol and/or drugs to make us feel better. Over time this becomes an unhealthy habit. So it’s time to get serious. Ask yourself if your intake of these things has changed or increased? If it has – what do you need to do to fix this? Can you decrease their use by yourself? Or do you need help from your family, doctor or other health professional? The sooner you acknowledge there’s a problem, the sooner you can deal with it.
Nurture your relationships. It’s easy to take the people around us for granted, but these people support and care for us day in and day out. They deserve focused time and attention from us. So sit down and talk with your kids about their day. Make time for a date night with your partner and cook a special meal to share together. Call or visit your parents and see how they’re really doing. Reminisce with your siblings about childhood antics and holidays. Our relationships are the glue that holds everything together for us – so put in the effort. You’ll all feel so much better for it.
Quit being so mean to yourself. You’re valued and loved. But sometimes we forget that. And the negative thoughts take over. “I’m fat”, “I’m hopeless”, “I’m lazy”, “I’m a burden”. If you wouldn’t say these things to another person, then why are you saying them to yourself? Ask yourself why you even think these things? And how can you reframe these thoughts? If, for example, you tell yourself you’re fat – are you actually overweight or are you comparing yourself to the unrealistic media image of how a person should look? And if you do know you need to lose weight, and want to make that happen, put those steps in motion. Talk with your doctor for some guidance and help. And congratulate yourself for taking action. And as you make these changes be kind to yourself along the journey. There will be stumbles, but that’s expected. You can pick yourself up and move on. Kindly.
Throw away the ‘should’s. This is similar to the negative self-talk…we need to stop should-ing ourselves to death. This often happens after we’ve been on social media and seen someone’s ‘amazing’ life. You start thinking “I should be better at X”, “I should be doing X”, “I should be earning X”, “I should look like X”. Remember that most people only put their best images on social media, so everyone’s life looks wonderful. But you’re just seeing the superficial, filtered person, not the whole, and they probably have just as many insecurities as the rest of us. Instead of thinking “I should…”, be grateful for who you are and what you have.
Be thankful and grateful. You exist! And yes, the world is a strange and sometimes frightening place at the moment, but you’re here to see it. People love and care for you. Focus on the people in your life and the things you’re grateful to have in your life. Celebrating these things – both big and small – reminds us why we’re here. To bring joy and happiness to those around us, and to make the world a better place.

Call our Help Line

If you have questions about things like managing your pain, COVID-19, your musculoskeletal condition, treatment options, telehealth, or accessing services be sure to call our nurses. They’re available weekdays between 9am-5pm on 1800 263 265; email (helpline@muscha.org) or via Messenger.

More to explore

21 ways to spring clean your life
A Kind Journey
6 self-care tips to help you spring clean your soul
Thrive Global
Break the habit
Alcohol and Drug Foundation
How can I look after my emotional wellbeing?
Versus Arthritis
Self-care September calendar
Action for Happiness

Musculoskeletal Health Australia

06/Sep/2023

Let’s take advantage of the warmer days and and look at how we can sweep away the winter cobwebs and make ourselves sparkle this spring!

Unplug. We’re always connected these days, immersed in the news, social media, video chats, work/school, and phone calls. We’re never far away from a phone, tablet or computer – and we need to step away. Schedule time to put it all aside: perhaps after dinner, or for an hour during your day, or for your entire Sunday. Whatever works for you and your commitments. Just make sure you take some time away from the digital world, step outside and breathe in the fresh, sweet-smelling spring air.
Say no. We’re wired to want to please others, so we often find it difficult to say no. But that can make us become overwhelmed and stressed with the number of commitments we have. That’s why we need to look after ourselves and start saying no. The next time someone asks you to do something, give yourself a moment. Don’t answer immediately with an automatic ‘yes’. Ask yourself if this is something you want to do. Are you able to do it – physically and mentally? Do you have the time to do it? Will it bring you happiness? If you answered no to these questions, then you should say no to the request. You may disappoint some people, and they may be a little unhappy with you. But you need to be true to who you are and stand firm. And don’t feel the need to give detailed reasons for saying no. Saying no is really hard, but it will become easier.
Change your routine. Do you feel like you’re stuck in a rut? I know it feels like Groundhog Day at times! So look at your routine. What can you change? Take your work/school commitments out of the equation for now. Do you spend your evenings on the couch? Or weekends doing the same old things? Stop and really think about what you would actually ‘like’ to do with your free time. Go for a bike ride? Take up painting? Visit a new place each week? Find things that you enjoy, and fill you with anticipation and happiness, and do them. Now think about your work routine. There may not be things you can change about work – but why not put on your favourite outfit/earrings/shoes/lipstick – even if you’re working from home. Or use some new stationary or bit of tech. It’s amazing how these small changes give us a mental boost.
Focus on the basics – eat well, move, sleep – repeat. This time of the year we have access to amazing fresh produce that’s just crying out to be made into delicious salads and stir fries. The days are getting longer and warmer so we can get outside more for our exercise. We can shed the heavy blankets and adjust our sleep habits. There’s never been a better time than now to focus on these basics and make improvements if needed. And finally, make sure you’re staying hydrated by drinking enough water each day.
Surround yourself with positive, upbeat people. Positivity and happiness is contagious. These people will inspire you, make you feel good about yourself and the world in general. Too much contact with negative people (in person and via social media) does the opposite and makes the world a gloomy place. So seek out the happy, positive people and enjoy their company. And if you can, ditch the negative people.
Take some time out to relax. Try strategies like mindfulness, visualisation and guided imagery. Or read a book, listen to music, walk the dog, create something, play a computer game, have a bubble bath or massage. Whatever relaxes you. And make sure you do these things on a regular basis. They’re not an indulgence – they’re a necessity and vital to our overall happiness and wellbeing.
Let’s get serious – sugar, fats, alcohol and drugs. Many of us seek comfort in sugary and/or fatty foods more than we’d like. Or we’ve been using alcohol and/or drugs to make us feel better. Over time this becomes an unhealthy habit. So it’s time to get serious. Ask yourself if your intake of these things has changed or increased? If it has – what do you need to do to fix this? Can you decrease their use by yourself? Or do you need help from your family, doctor or other health professional? The sooner you acknowledge there’s a problem, the sooner you can deal with it.
Nurture your relationships. It’s easy to take the people around us for granted, but these people support and care for us day in and day out. They deserve focused time and attention from us. So sit down and talk with your kids about their day. Make time for a date night with your partner and cook a special meal to share together. Call or visit your parents and see how they’re really doing. Reminisce with your siblings about childhood antics and holidays. Our relationships are the glue that holds everything together for us – so put in the effort. You’ll all feel so much better for it.
Quit being so mean to yourself. You’re valued and loved. But sometimes we forget that. And the negative thoughts take over. “I’m fat”, “I’m hopeless”, “I’m lazy”, “I’m a burden”. If you wouldn’t say these things to another person, then why are you saying them to yourself? Ask yourself why you even think these things? And how can you reframe these thoughts? If, for example, you tell yourself you’re fat – are you actually overweight or are you comparing yourself to the unrealistic media image of how a person should look? And if you do know you need to lose weight, and want to make that happen, put those steps in motion. Talk with your doctor for some guidance and help. And congratulate yourself for taking action. And as you make these changes be kind to yourself along the journey. There will be stumbles, but that’s expected. You can pick yourself up and move on. Kindly.
Throw away the ‘should’s. This is similar to the negative self-talk…we need to stop should-ing ourselves to death. This often happens after we’ve been on social media and seen someone’s ‘amazing’ life. You start thinking “I should be better at X”, “I should be doing X”, “I should be earning X”, “I should look like X”. Remember that most people only put their best images on social media, so everyone’s life looks wonderful. But you’re just seeing the superficial, filtered person, not the whole, and they probably have just as many insecurities as the rest of us. Instead of thinking “I should…”, be grateful for who you are and what you have.
Be thankful and grateful. You exist! And yes, the world is a strange and sometimes frightening place at the moment, but you’re here to see it. People love and care for you. Focus on the people in your life and the things you’re grateful to have in your life. Celebrating these things – both big and small – reminds us why we’re here. To bring joy and happiness to those around us, and to make the world a better place.

Call our Helpline

If you have questions about things like managing your pain, your musculoskeletal condition, treatment options, telehealth, or accessing services be sure to call our team. They’re available weekdays between 9am-5pm on 1800 263 265; email (helpline@muscha.org) or via Messenger.

More to explore

21 ways to spring clean your life
A Kind Journey
6 self-care tips to help you spring clean your soul
Thrive Global
Break the habit
Alcohol and Drug Foundation
How can I look after my emotional wellbeing?
Versus Arthritis
Self-care September calendar
Action for Happiness

Lisa Bywaters

20/Apr/2023

There comes a time in many people’s lives when the desire/hope/dream of becoming a parent takes hold. This is an exciting and anxious time for any person, but it can be made more challenging and stressful if you, or your partner, have a musculoskeletal condition.

However, by working closely with your healthcare team and planning your pregnancy, you’ll be in the best position to have a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby.

General planning

Having a baby doesn’t happen in a vacuum. There are many considerations you need to take into account before becoming pregnant. The sooner you do this, the better.

Pre-pregnancy health checks.

Let’s put the musculoskeletal elephant in the room aside 🐘 🐘 for now. Potential parents should discuss many other things with their doctor to ensure they’re the healthiest they can be before conceiving. Some relate specifically to the person becoming pregnant, while others involve both parents-to-be. They may include:

Beginning folic and iodine supplements. Both are essential for your baby to grow and develop.
Other supplements may be necessary if you’re deficient or need help getting the essential vitamins and minerals through your diet. It’s important you discuss this with your doctor before taking any additional supplements.
Cervical screening.
Sexually transmissible infections (STI) screening.
Addressing lifestyle factors such as diet, exercise, smoking, alcohol and illicit drug use.
Having a dental check-up.
If you have a mental health condition, discuss how your pregnancy may affect your mental health and how you can manage this.
Ensuring your vaccinations are up-to-date.

Consider the cost.

The ugly truth is that having a baby is expensive – from medical and health bills to maternity and baby clothing, nappies, car seat, baby furniture, supplements, breast pumps, and formula 🍼👶. And there are many ongoing and future costs that you need to be ready for – food, healthcare, clothes, school costs, childcare, transport, shoes, and social and sporting activities 🛴🤸. Being prepared means that you can save and look at ways to budget for future costs. This Moneysmart article, ‘Having a baby: Budgeting for the costs of a baby’, has information, links and a budget planner to help you understand some of the costs you need to plan for.

Which brings us to work.

How long you and/or your partner choose to take for parental leave before and after the birth of your baby is an individual thing. Factors such as finances, your job/workplace, available leave etc., will impact this timing. Planning for this before you have a baby is a good idea.

Baby furniture, equipment and other doo-dads.

Preparing your home for a baby is important to ensure you and your baby are comfortable and safe. But there’s a big industry around baby bits and bobs. Raising Children Network has a very handy new baby checklist to help you prepare, including what’s essential and how to save money. Also, check out this ABC article, ‘Having a baby on a budget: What items can you buy second-hand?’ for more tips.

Family planning and musculoskeletal conditions

People with musculoskeletal conditions can and do have safe pregnancies and healthy babies. But the planning is even more critical.

The first step is to gather your support team.

Talk with your GP and rheumatologist about your plans. The best time to become pregnant is when your condition is well-managed and controlled. If your condition is active or flaring, it can harm you and your baby. By talking with your rheumatologist, you can develop a treatment plan to get your condition under control before you conceive.

You’ll also see a midwife or obstetrician.

A midwife is a health professional trained to provide support and care during your pregnancy, labour and birth. They’ll also provide you with support in the weeks after you have your baby. An obstetrician is a doctor trained to provide medical care during these times and has the skills to manage complex or high-risk pregnancies and births. Whether you see a midwife, obstetrician, GP, or a combination depends on where you plan to give birth and your health needs.

You may see a physiotherapist and/or occupational therapist if needed. Physios use strategies such as exercise, massage, heat and cold, and education to help keep you moving and functioning as well as possible. An OT can help you learn better ways to do everyday activities and can provide information on aids and equipment to make tasks easier.

Both can help you learn to manage your musculoskeletal condition and the changes your body is experiencing through pregnancy. They can also help you manage after birth.

Other vital members of your support team will be your partner, family and/or friends 💜💚💛.

Fertility

Having a musculoskeletal condition generally doesn’t affect fertility. Some studies have shown that women with rheumatoid arthritis may take longer to conceive; however, it’s unclear if this is related to the condition, medicines, or other factors.

Men with musculoskeletal conditions may find that some medicines affect their sperm count; however, this can often be reversed with a change of medicines.

If you want to conceive, or you’re having problems conceiving, discuss this with your doctor.

Medicines

The use of medicines for most musculoskeletal conditions is a necessity. Active or flaring disease is harmful to both the mother and the baby, so continuing to take your medicines while trying to conceive and during pregnancy is vital.

However, some medicines aren’t recommended during this time. They need to be replaced with safer or ‘pregnancy-compatible’ medicines. You may also need to stop taking some medicines for several months before trying to get pregnant.

This will depend on the medicines you or your partner are taking. Your doctors will help you understand and plan for this to ensure the least pain and disruption, and ensure safer outcomes for all.

The Australian Rheumatology Association has developed a resource, ‘Medications and pregnancy: Information for women and men with rheumatoid arthritis thinking about starting a family’, which goes through many medicines used for treating musculoskeletal conditions. This is a great guide to help you during your discussions with your healthcare team as you plan your pregnancy.

It’s important to understand that some medicines can’t be stopped immediately. So although you may want to become pregnant quickly, to protect the health of the person taking these medicines, as well as future babies, it’s critical that you follow the advice of your healthcare team.

You may also need to use contraception until it’s safe to conceive.

Self-care

The journey to parenthood is full of ups and downs. When you add a painful, chronic condition, it’s even more challenging. So taking time during the pregnancy planning stage to look after yourself is essential. That includes all the usual self-care strategies – exercising regularly, eating a healthy diet, getting good quality sleep, and looking after your mental health.

Lupus

Most women with lupus can have children. However, there’s an increased risk of complications. Again, that’s why planning your pregnancy for when your condition is well-managed and less active, and working closely with your healthcare team, is best for you and the baby. You’ll likely need blood tests before you conceive to check for the anti-Ro and antiphospholipid antibodies that may affect a baby. This would require more frequent fetal monitoring.

Other ways to become a parent

If you can’t become a parent biologically for whatever reason, there are other ways to become one. They include:

While these options may not be what you’d initially dreamed or planned, they provide other choices for many people and may be worth exploring.

Contact our free national Help Line

Call our nurses if you have questions about managing your pain, musculoskeletal condition, treatment options, mental health issues, telehealth, or accessing services. They’re available weekdays between 9am-5pm on 1800 263 265; email (helpline@msk.org.au) or via Messenger.

More to explore

Pregnancy and arthritis – webinar recording (2021)
Musculoskeletal Australia
Becoming a parent: What to expect
Beyond Blue
Considering pregnancy and have lupus? Plan ahead
Harvard Health Publishing
Family planning, pregnancy and parenting
Arthritis Foundation
Having a baby
Services Australia
Patient education: Rheumatoid arthritis and pregnancy (Beyond the Basics)
UpToDate
Planning for pregnancy
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby
Preconception health for men
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby
Preconception health for women
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby
Pregnancy and arthritis
Arthritis Ireland
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby
Pregnancy, fertility and arthritis
Versus Arthritis
Pregnancy: preparing for a baby
Raising Children Network
Preparing for a healthy pregnancy with arthritis
Arthritis Foundation
Preparing for pregnancy
The Women’s
Preparing for pregnancy
Sexual Health Victoria
Pre-pregnancy planning and healthy pregnancy
Family Planning Australia

Lisa Bywaters

20/Apr/2023

NB: This article refers to unpaid or informal carers – people who provide care to those who need it within an existing relationship, such as a family member, a friend or a neighbour (1) – and not professional carers.

DYK, there are almost 2.7 MILLION carers in Australia?(2) That’s about 1 in 10 Australians 😮.

Carers are incredibly diverse. They come from all backgrounds, lifestyles, genders and ages.

You’re a carer if you care for a family member or friend with a physical or mental health condition, disability, or is frail due to old age.(3) You may share the caring role with others or do it alone. And the time spent caring for someone could be from a few hours a week to caring for them 24/7. You may be a carer for a short period while someone is recovering from an illness, injury or surgery or for a more extended or indefinite period.

Being a carer can be very fulfilling and bring you closer to the person you’re caring for. But at times, it can also be demanding and stressful. Here are some practical tips to help you look after yourself and the person you care for.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T – Find out what it means to me

It can be difficult for any of us to accept that we need help. That our body or health has let us down, and we can’t manage on our own as we once could. This loss of independence can make us feel vulnerable, afraid, or angry.

When you become a carer for someone, it’s essential that you ask about their needs and how they want to be treated. This gives them control over their life and choices. It also maintains their dignity.

Respect goes both ways. Just as you must respect the person you care for and their choices, preferences and boundaries, they need to respect yours.

Discuss boundaries. Doing this from the outset with clear, open communication is essential. What are the needs of the person you’re caring for? What do they want your help with? And what don’t they want help with? What are you comfortable or able to do? Over time, you may need to revisit this as circumstances and needs change.

Understand personal choices. It’s sometimes hard for carers to understand why the person they care for may not follow suggestions made to them by health professionals, such as taking medicines as prescribed, exercising, or quitting smoking. Try to encourage – but not push or nag – the person you care for. But if you’re concerned their behaviour is adversely affecting their health, discuss it with them. Is there something that’s putting them off? Do they need more information so they can make an informed choice? Are they worried, scared, or unsure about the pros and cons of a treatment? Having a respectful conversation about these feelings is important. And you may need input from the relevant health professional to move forward.

Have fun together. Don’t let your relationship be consumed by the caring role. Have a cup of tea, discuss things you enjoy, go for a walk, visit parks/galleries/cafes, or share a hobby. Doing things together that don’t relate to health issues will give you both balance and quality of life. ☕

Care for yourself

You can’t pour from an empty cup – so take care of yourself first. Caring is rewarding but also tiring, stressful, and often lonely. You need to take care of your own physical and mental health so that (a) you don’t fall in a heap and (b) you can continue to be a carer. If you’re running on empty, you can’t give your best as a carer, daughter, husband, sister, friend, mum etc. Ensure you get enough quality sleep, eat well, exercise regularly, relax and take breaks, meet up with friends, and accept your feelings. I know, that’s a lot. 😴 Especially if you’re also working and have a family and other commitments. But you need to make your health a priority.

Look after your mental health. As a carer, you may experience a range of emotions that can be difficult to deal with. Be aware of and acknowledge these feelings. If you need help, discuss your situation with your GP, a psychologist, or the Carer Gateway phone counselling or online carer forum.

Get support. It’s hard for most people to ask for help, but you don’t have to do things alone. Whether it’s having someone to talk to about your stress or anxiety, help around the house, or respite care, options are available. Talk with your GP, contact Carer Gateway, or talk with a friend or family member. You might also consider joining a peer support group or seeing a mental health professional.

Attending health appointments

When caring for someone, you may need to attend some or all of their health appointments. Before attending any, you should discuss your role at these appointments with the person you’re caring for. For example, are they happy for you to discuss their health and ask questions, or would they prefer you provide silent support?

It’s a good idea to write a list of questions you’d both like to ask before you go. And, if there’s a lot, consider booking a longer appointment so you have the time to get through them.
Attending appointments also ensures you know of any changes to their health condition/s and treatments.

Managing medicines

Find out about the medicines the person you’re caring for is taking – the type, dose, and any possible side effects.

It’s easy to forget to take medicines regularly, especially if there’s more than one and they’re taken at different times of the day. Talk to your pharmacist about using a pill dispenser if this is a problem. They contain individually sealed compartments to help make taking medicine easier. You can buy a pill dispenser and do it yourself, or your pharmacist can do it for you.

You can also arrange with the pharmacist to do a Home Medicines Review. This review ensures the medicines are safe, effective, and taken correctly.

Making things easier

Access services. Many services are available to help make things easier for you and the person you’re caring for. The Commonwealth Home Support Program provides a variety of services, including delivered meals, respite care, domestic assistance, community transport and much more. Contact My Aged Care or your local council for more information.

Carer Gateway also provides info about accessing services to make life easier in and around the home.

Pace yourself. Caring can take a toll on you physically and mentally. So pace yourself, and don’t try to do everything at once. For example, stagger the cleaning over several days instead of cleaning the whole house at once. Or cook meals in larger batches to freeze the leftovers for those days when you don’t feel up to cooking, or you’ve run out of time. By pacing yourself, you’ll have more energy and feel less frazzled – which is good for you and the person you care for.

Investigate aids, gadgets and home modifications. There’s a huge range of aids and equipment available to help you manage. They can help reduce stress on muscles and joints, save energy, prevent fatigue, and make life easier – with everything from personal safety, bathing, writing, dressing, bedding, mobility, seating, and lifting.

Simple things like long-handled shoehorns can allow the person you care for to put on their own shoes. Items such as grab rails in the bathroom can make bathing easier and safer. To find out more, speak with an occupational therapist.

Sharing the care

Caring, while fulfilling, can sometimes be challenging work. It’s essential that there are others who can share the work to make it easier for the primary carer. This help could be in the form of cleaning, shopping, or being available for you to talk to. 🧡

As a carer, you need to know your limits and boundaries. For example, if you can’t lift the person you care for, seek alternative devices or assistance to make things easier. Occupational therapists can assess the home and suggest modifications, aids and equipment.

Carer payments

You may be eligible to receive government benefits to help you provide care. There are different payments depending on your circumstances and those of the person you care for. Visit the Services Australia website for more info.

Planning ahead

It‘s essential to think about Powers of Attorney and Guardianship if the person you care for can no longer make their decisions known. Planning ahead ensures that their wishes are met and they can make necessary plans.

Contact our free national Help Line

More to explore

Carer Gateway
Carers Australia
Caring for someone
Services Australia
Emotional support services for carers
Better Health Channel
How can I help someone with arthritis?
Versus Arthritis
Lifeline
Call 13 11 14 for 24-hour crisis support, information and referral
My Aged Care
Occupational Therapy Australia
Supporting carers
Department of Social Services

References

(1) Australian Government. Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. Informal carers. 2021.
(2) Australian Bureau of Statistics. 2018. Disability, ageing and carers, Australia: Summary of findings.
(3) Australian Government. Department of Social Services. Supporting carers.

Lisa Bywaters

07/Oct/2021

The people in our lives bring so much colour and richness to our days. Our family and friends, work colleagues, local baristas, intimate partners, food deliverers, healthcare providers, neighbours, fellow gamers and dog walkers – all of the ordinary and intimate relationships we have are important and connect us to our world.

Apart from the warm fuzzies we get from having these people around us, healthy relationships are good for our physical and mental health. They help us feel less stressed, reduce feelings of loneliness, distract us from pain, boost our immune system and make us feel happier and more optimistic. They’re practically a tonic for all that ails!

And that’s why it’s so important that we nurture these relationships.

This is the first of two articles exploring ways we can tend to our close relationships, to ensure they remain strong and supportive. We begin with the relationship with a partner, spouse, or significant friend.

Physical vs emotional intimacy

When we think about intimate or close relationships, we often think of physical acts of intimacy – holding hands, cuddling, kissing, hugging and having sex. They’re an essential element in our romantic relationships. But we also need emotional intimacy for deeper connections with those we have or hope to have a committed relationship with.

Emotional intimacy involves each person opening up to the other, allowing their vulnerabilities to show, and sharing their deepest feelings and thoughts. To do this, each person needs to feel safe and supported to be themselves, ‘warts and all’. This level of intimacy takes time. And it requires open, honest communication and ongoing work.

“Intimacy is the capacity to be rather weird with someone
– and finding that that’s ok with them.” Alain de Botton

Emotional intimacy occurs not only within committed, romantic relationships, it can also happen within platonic relationships, for example, with your bestie, BFF, a sibling, or with someone else you have a close bond.

The following strategies are focused on nurturing romantic relationships, however most can be used for platonic relationships as well 😊.

Strategies for nurturing your relationship

Share your deep, inner thoughts, feelings, beliefs, fears, needs, pain and worries – not just the superficial stuff.
To really develop that deep connection and understanding of each other, share the things that make you ‘you’. We’re all so different and have had different experiences, challenges, traumas, victories and lifestyles. This shapes who we are, and we tend to keep much of this to ourselves.

However, sharing these things with your partner over time creates intimacy as your relationship grows and deepens. This has to be a two-way street. You both need to be open and honest about what matters to you, as you feel comfortable and safe to do so.

“Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations.
Don’t over-analyze your relationships. Stop playing games.
A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.” Leo F. Buscaglia

Share how much they mean to you.
We all like to hear how much we mean to someone – especially when it’s out of the blue. Try not to become complacent with your relationship or take your partner for granted. Tell them how much you appreciate them and how much they bring to your life. Show them how much they mean to you – buy the book they’ve been wanting, prepare a picnic full of their favourite things, give them a hug, fold the laundry, place little love notes or tokens in unexpected places. Be creative and be honest 🧡.

“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” Carroll Bryant

Share, learn and explore sexual desires, so you both feel satisfied.
This adds to your emotional connection. However, sometimes our condition, pain, anxiety and the madness of life in general can impact our desire to be physically intimate. Check out our blog on sex, intimacy and musculoskeletal conditions for tips to help you get your groove back.

“Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.” Robert A. Heinlein

Share time together outside of your day-to-day routine.
Remember the excitement when you first met? The first thrilling time your hands brushed, when you couldn’t wait to see each other? Try to rekindle some of this excitement, so you get to be together as lovers, partners, and friends – not as mum/dad/worker. Make the time to check in with each other, even when it feels like the world is taking over. This can be really challenging – we’re all so busy. So you may need to schedule time for this (not sexy, but often necessary). And make sure you unplug from all technology and put your phone away. It’s worth the effort. Take this time as a loving couple to talk about your day, feelings, needs, hopes and dreams, and just connect.

“A dream you dream alone is only a dream.
A dream you dream together is reality.” John Lennon

Share the difficulties, and where possible, work on solutions together.
If you have problems or difficulties that relate to your condition, job, other people, etc., share them. Don’t keep them bottled up. Having someone to discuss your issues with can help bring clarity. Or at least help you feel your emotions are important and validated.

If the problems relate to your relationship or home life, this can be tougher. Especially if you both have strong feelings about the matter. In this case, it’s really important to be respectful to each other, listen, and work together to come up with a solution. And be prepared to compromise so the solution feels fair to both of you. Remember, we’re all different, and we do and see things differently. This is a good thing (how boring would it be if everyone saw things the same way?), but it can sometimes be really frustrating. So if you become angry, take some time to breathe, reflect on the situation, and come back to it when you both feel calm.

However, sometimes it can be hard to get past an issue, and you may need external help to resolve it. See the section below on managing conflict.

“Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex.
Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational.” Hugh Mackay

Share the load.
We like to think of ourselves as superhuman at times and try to do it all without asking for help. Even when it may be needed 😫. But this isn’t sustainable. We’ve all ended up in a heap doing this.

Again, it comes down to open, honest communication. Someone who doesn’t have a musculoskeletal condition can’t fully understand what it’s like and how frustrating it is to be fine one day and thoroughly shagged the next. If there are things you’re struggling with – all the time or just occasionally – discuss these with your partner. Look for ways to share the load – with your partner, children, housemates, other family members, or even hire someone to do the chore/task.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Lao-Tzu

Share fun times.
Make time for having fun, being silly and finding (and celebrating) the joy in life. This can be challenging when you live with pain, the uncertainty of living through a pandemic, work stress and household craziness. But it’s so rewarding. Watch a silly movie, dance in the back garden, share funny memes during your day, go skinny dipping after dark 😍. Laughter and shared fun create another level of intimacy, as well as a twinkle to the eye and a healthy glow to the skin (especially if the water is cold 😉).

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird.
And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness
– and call it love – true love.” Robert Fulghum

Have outside interests (and share yourself).
In case you’re starting to feel nauseated by all the saccharine togetherness 🤢, it’s also essential that each person has independent interests. There are often things that make us really happy but are of no interest to our partner – think sports, book clubs, crafts, parent groups, community gardens, study groups, cooking classes, gaming etc. Instead of dragging your partner along, take that time for yourself. It helps you pursue the things that make you feel fulfilled, and you can share your experiences and happiness with your partner. When you both have these opportunities, life is more exciting and rewarding.

“A great relationship is about two things:
First, appreciating the similarities and second, respecting the differences.” Unknown

When it isn’t always smooth sailing: managing conflict

All of the suggestions we’ve provided require commitment, time and ongoing work. But sometimes, you can work and work hard, but arguments and conflicts still arise. Especially when you’re living with the stress of unpredictable health issues, COVID-19, family commitments and all the other complicated things adulthood brings with it.

If you’re both committed to working through these issues, but feel like you can’t resolve them on your own, consider talking with someone you trust about it. This may be a close family friend or family member, or it may be a professional.

Getting help
Family Relationship Advice Line is an Australian Government service that helps families affected by relationship or separation issues. It can also refer callers to local services that provide assistance. Call 1800 050 321.

Relationships Australia provides a range of counselling services delivered face-to-face and online. Find out more about the counselling services available on their website. Or call 1300 364 277.

Ending a relationship
If you’re not committed to resolving relationship issues and want to end it, read ‘Fourteen ways to break up better: How best to minimize the pain in a painful situation’.

Abuse or violence
Using power, abuse or violence against another person is never ok. If you need help, it’s available. For safety and support, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) for confidential information, counselling and support. They operate 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Read the second instalment of this series: Nurturing relationships: Family and friends

“Maybe you don’t need the whole world to love you.
Maybe you just need one person.” Kermit the Frog

Contact our free national Help Line

If you have questions about managing your pain, your musculoskeletal condition, treatment options, mental health issues, COVID-19, telehealth, or accessing services be sure to call our nurses. They’re available weekdays between 9am-5pm on 1800 263 265; email (helpline@msk.org.au) or via Messenger.

More to explore

10 pillars of a strong relationship
The Greater Good Science Center, March 2021
How can you improve your relationship?
Relationships Australia
How to improve your relationships with effective communication skills
Verywell Mind, July 2020
How to understand and build intimacy in every relationship
Healthline, April 2019
Intimacy in relationships
Relationships Australia
Positive and respectful relationships
Relationships Australia
Relationships – creating intimacy
Better Health Channel
Support for mental and emotional wellbeing
Musculoskeletal Australia, August 2021

Lisa Bywaters

07/Oct/2021

This is the second of two articles exploring ways we can tend to our close relationships, to ensure they remain strong and supportive. The first looked at the relationship with a partner, spouse, or significant friend. You can read it here.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,
‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one” — C.S. Lewis

How often do you see a post on social media from a friend or family member and think, ‘it’s been ages since I’ve seen/called/talked with them…’? Or going about your day, you see something that triggers a memory of a great time with someone important to you, and you can’t remember when you last spoke?

It’s so easy for life to get away from us and lose contact with our family and good friends. Finding time amidst all of our other obligations, the general busyness of life, and let’s not forget COVID ?, can push staying in touch to the bottom of our ‘to do’ list. But this inattention and neglect can distance us from the significant people in our lives. And it’s during times like these that we need them, and they need us more than ever.

Healthy relationships are good for our physical and mental health. They help us feel less stressed, reduce feelings of loneliness, distract us from pain, boost our immune system and make us feel happier and more resilient. They provide support when our various health issues make us feel exhausted and sad. And they bolster our mood when the long days of COVID make everything seem so grey.

That’s why we need to nurture these relationships with our family and close friends.

Here are some strategies you can use:

Make them a priority.
Value your relationships and work hard to keep them strong. Tend to them as you would any living thing – with regular care and attention. Build time into your day/week/month for them, and make this time sacrosanct. How often you connect depends on the depth of the relationship; however, the important thing is to make it happen. Don’t let them fall by the wayside as if they’re unimportant.

Accept (and embrace) our differences.
We’re all different (and isn’t that amazing!), but that means we can have differences of opinions, beliefs and lifestyles that may cause friction from time to time. Accept that this is the case. These differences can challenge us to consider other viewpoints and opinions. They can lead to exciting discussions and debates. But they can also lead to conflict and anger. If this happens, take some time to breathe, reflect on the situation, and return to it when you both feel calm. This may be challenging at times, but if it’s something you can move past, or if you can agree to disagree, do so. However, if the issue isn’t something you can ignore or live with, or your relationship has changed to the point that it makes you unhappy, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

Trust your peeps.
Trusting someone takes bravery and can make us feel vulnerable. But it also builds intimacy with another person. When this trust is reciprocal, you can share your deepest thoughts and fears without fear of judgement. You can ask for help when you’re in pain or feeling overwhelmed. Apart from how great it feels to know that you have someone in your corner who you can trust with your deepest and darkest, it also feels great to be on the receiving end of that trust.

Show your appreciation.
People are adaptive and become used to things very quickly. So it’s easy to start taking a person for granted when you’re so used to them being there, listening to you, providing support. We get used to these things and don’t notice them as much because they’re always there. So take notice. Tell them how much you appreciate them. Give them your full attention when they’re speaking. Thank them when they do something for you. Send them a note or a small present out of the blue to let them know that you’re thinking of them.

Schedule, schedule, schedule!
We’re always so busy, so it’s a good idea when catching up with someone important that you make a date for the next catch-up before you part ways. That way, you can both put it in your diaries, and you have a firm commitment.

Create alerts.
Again, we’re busy bees ?, and things can slip by without us pausing to take note. That’s why I put birthdays, anniversaries and other important dates in my calendar and create alerts for them. It might be an alert to call them on the date or one that gives me time to find a card and gift and post it to them in time.

Establish traditions and routines.
We tend to have friends and family members that we associate with specific things or activities. For example, the friend you work out with, the sister you go to galleries with, the mate you go to the cricket with, the friend who’s always up for a spontaneous adventure. Taking advantage of these traditions means that you can catch up and enjoy shared interests. Win, win!

Share your interests.
We’re all looking for recommendations for books, movies, TV shows, podcasts etc (especially during lockdowns!). Share what you’re reading, watching or listening to, and your opinions. Create a discussion group – that sounds so formal ? – but it could occur during happy hour, video chat, social media or a walk around the park.

Call them.
Never underestimate the power of simply picking up the phone and having a chat, even a quick one.

Connect IRL.
Endless lockdowns and border closures have made connecting in real life so much sweeter. So if you can, and it’s safe to do so, catch up with your peeps in person for a walk, picnic, coffee, bike ride…whatever works for you.

Send photos.
With a smartphone, we can easily share our lives with important people. I’m not a selfie person, but I do take pics of things I see – a sunrise, a dog taking its owner for a walk, or a fantastic meal I can’t believe I cooked. The ordinary things that mean a lot to me and the people I share them with. And in return, I get pics from their days. It provides a glimpse into the everyday of lives, especially if we can’t be there in person.

Value the quick connections.
How often do you put off a call or catch up because you don’t think you have time? Not all of our connections need to be long or deep, and meaningful. A quick call to say hello, a silly selfie, a short text, or a quick email can help sustain relationships between the longer catch-ups.

Pay attention to how you feel.
Next time you’re with your close family or friends, pay attention to how you feel when you’re with them. How’s your mood compared to how it is when you haven’t seen them in a while? Even when they drive us crazy, we usually feel happy and more content when we spend time with these people.

Learn to forgive.
People have the power to hurt us. This can make us feel angry, sad and a whole host of other emotions. But we can control how we choose to deal with the hurt and our feelings. We can stew and brood – but this only makes us feel bad. Or we can forgive the person for the pain they caused. This doesn’t mean it’s forgotten or that the offense is suddenly excused or ok. It simply means that you’re taking control of the way you feel and healing the hurt. But it’s not always easy, so for some tips read, Eight keys to forgiveness from The Greater Good Science Center.

Apologise.
On the flip side of forgiveness is knowing when you’ve hurt others and when to apologise. This can be really tough because it’s hard to acknowledge that we’ve hurt someone or done something wrong. But it’s necessary to heal a relationship. It’s also crucial that we respect the other person’s feelings and that they may not be ready to forgive immediately. Be gentle and take time.

Allow for spontaneity.
Sometimes you just need to toss your schedules and chores out the window and be spontaneous!! Call the friend who’s always up for an adventure or the one in need of some good, old-fashioned fun, and throw caution to the wind. Go on a road trip, hit the shops, have a movie marathon. Whatever works for you and brings you together ?.

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends.
I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” — Jane Austen

Contact our free national Help Line

More to explore

6 ways friendship is good for your health
Healthline, August 2020
Eight keys to forgiveness
The Greater Good Science Center, October 2015
How friendships change in adulthood
The Atlantic, October 2015
How to have closer friendships (and why you need them)
The New York Times, November 2019
Maintaining healthy relationships
healthdirect, April 2020
Owe someone an apology? Here’s how to make things right
Healthline, July 2021
The importance of relationships and belonging
The Irish Times, March 2018

Lisa Bywaters

05/Aug/2021

Humans have evolved to be an incredibly social species. That’s why our connections are so important to us – with family, friends, work colleagues, teammates, walking buddies, fellow book clubbers and staff at the local coffee shop. They all play a role in shaping who we are and how we get on in the world.

So when we can’t see these people in person due to lockdowns, restrictions, quarantine and the general chaos of COVID, it’s really hard on us.

The last 16 months have been so wearing – both physically and emotionally. We’re living with heightened feelings of anxiety and stress – what will the case numbers be today, when will I be able to visit loved ones, how long will we be homeschooling, when will life go back to ‘normal’??

Unfortunately, there aren’t any simple answers for any of these questions – especially the last one.

But there’s a simple thing you can do to combat the loneliness, lethargy, emotional fatigue and general feeling of ‘meh’ that COVID is causing us to feel. And that’s staying in touch with your peeps and extended community.

How to stay connected when you have to stay apart

First, we should never forget that restrictions and social distancing measures are all about physical distance. We need to remain separate from others so that the virus can’t spread. But that doesn’t mean we have to be socially separated or isolated.

Even before the pandemic, we used technology to remain connected. COVID has just put that on the fast track, and we’ve become familiar with video chats, long phone calls, and messaging.

So what else can you do to ensure you remain connected with the people and places important to you?

Check in. And no, there’s no QR code involved in this one ?! Take time daily to check in with yourself. How are you doing? If you’re feeling anxious or lonely, or overwhelmed, reach out to others for support. If you’re feeling fatigued or in pain, what can you do to deal with this? Taking a few moments to check in with yourself each day helps you deal with any issues before they become significant problems.

Take time to connect with those in your own home – your partner, kids, parents, siblings, housemates, pets, plants??. How’s everyone doing? Share your experiences and feelings about the day. And if you want to go beyond the small talk, try these ‘36 questions for increasing closeness’ from The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley (USA).

Phone a friend. Make a regular time to call/video chat with those important to you. And make that day/time sacred – nothing (other than an emergency) should get in the way of this contact.

Get everyone involved. Call your nearest and dearest for a group chat and…watch movies, listen to music, make dinner, enjoy happy hour, fold the washing, discuss a book, play online games. You can still do things together even if you can’t be together.

Get out and walk. Exercise is essential for our physical and mental health, so get out and breathe in the fresh air. Take the family for a stroll, or meet up with a friend in the park. If you can’t walk with your usual crew, link your fitness apps and compare how many steps you’ve done for a little friendly competition ?. Go on a scavenger hunt. Or send pics to your network of the things you see on your walk. Walking isn’t just a good form of exercise – it can become an adventure, or a mindfulness exercise, or a chance to see other people in the flesh (and safely distanced).

Connect with your neighbours. Have a chat over the fence as you do your gardening or peg out the laundry. Or sit in your separate yards/driveways/balconies and just natter the afternoon away. Take note of any neighbours who live on their own and reach out to them. See if they need any assistance, groceries, someone to take the bins out, or most important of all, simple human interaction. It’s what we all need to get through this.

Immerse yourself. There are lots of online support/hobby/social/exercise groups that you can access from the comfort and safety of your own home. You can learn new things and meet new people without stepping out your door. And the beauty of online groups is they don’t even have to be in the same city, country or continent! Befriend Inc has created a handy guide to help you find and attend social groups online.

Send a care package. To someone you care about, or someone you know is having a difficult time. Send books, jigsaws, flowers, yummy food, a handwritten note. Anything that lets them know you’re thinking of them. It’ll be a lovely surprise and a boost for them, and for yourself. “As we work to create light for others, we naturally light our own way” – Mary Anne Radmacher.

Give thanks. Even though we’re tired, frustrated, anxious and sick of the stupid virus, there are still things to be thankful for. Taking time to reflect on these things helps us feel more positive and more fulfilled. Find out how you can become more grateful in your everyday life.

Volunteer your time and skills – from home. Volunteer work can be rewarding for yourself and your community. And there’s a lot of volunteer work that can be done online or remotely. So think about the types of things you’re passionate about, your skills, the amount of time you can give, and look around your local community to find the best match. Or visit GoVolunteer and search the database for volunteering opportunities.

Learn something new. There are so many organisations providing online learning courses, and many of them are free or low-cost. Just search online using your favourite search engine, and explore what’s available. Also, check out Laneway Learning, MOOCs (massive open online courses), TAFEs, colleges and community houses. You’ll come out of this pandemic with so much knowledge you’ll wow everyone at your next trivia night ?. And you’ll meet a bunch of like-minded people. Win-win!

Worship. Attending churches, temples, mosques, synagogues and other places of worship with our family and friends isn’t an option for many people at the moment. The good news is that a lot of them are now online. Contact your place of worship or search online to see what events are being streamed and when. Gather with your extended family and friends virtually after worship to celebrate together.

“Invisible threads are the strongest ties.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Contact our free national Help Line

More to explore

Connections matter: Helping older people stay socially active (PDF)
Beyondblue
How micro-interactions can help us feel less lonely during the pandemic
ABC Everyday, 29 July 2021
There’s more to life…
Musculoskeletal Australia, 3 June 2021
Social distancing can make you lonely. Here’s how to stay connected when you’re in lockdown
The Conversation, 17 March 2020
Using food to stay connected in lockdown
ABC Everyday, 23 July 2021

Lisa Bywaters

04/Aug/2021

Written by Jenny Hill

Hi, my name’s Jennifer, but I also answer to Jen, Jenny, Jen Jen and for many years during primary school – ‘Skippy’ (as in The Bush Kangaroo!). I’m 39 years old and was diagnosed with juvenile arthritis (JA) when I was in grade 4.

My memories of my initial symptoms, diagnosis and treatments are a little hazy, given it was 30 years ago, but my mum has provided a timeline of my journey and our experiences. I suggest you read her blog before mine.

My first experience of the pain that I’d later identify as JA followed a routine sprain of my left ankle. It didn’t seem to heal properly, leaving me with permanent swelling, immobility and terrible pain. I quickly went from playing netball and water skiing to crawling to get around the house.

Despite seeing an array of GPs and other health professionals, there was no explanation as to why my joints were so painful.

When I was finally diagnosed with juvenile arthritis, I felt some relief amidst the initial confusion and shock. There was something wrong; it wasn’t in my head, it had a name, and there were treatments for it.

I spent that first year adapting to my new lifestyle.

During school recesses, I’d sit in a courtyard adjacent to my classroom, observing my friends who found ways to play close by. I read as many books as I could to distract myself from boredom and pain. I took drama classes instead of competing in my beloved netball. I learnt how to style my hair to cover my baldness when my hair fell out. Before I visited the hospital, I focused on the treat of a McDonalds burger rather than the painful examinations. I learnt how to ‘save up’ my strength and pain tolerance for special days such as excursions. When I could walk, I learnt that the only way to try and keep up with others was to re-work my limp (which made me look like a pretty clumsy kangaroo!). I don’t think that I ever believed that this could be permanent. I just took it day by day.

Looking back on these early years – despite the pain and frustrating cycles of treatments or reactions to medication – I can’t help but think that I was lucky in many ways. During primary school, I didn’t experience bullying. I had a large number of friends who took turns sitting with me when I couldn’t play. My teachers tried hard to understand my diagnosis and were very supportive. Having three siblings meant I was rarely lonely, as there was always at least one of them at home who I could torment from the couch! And I had parents who were 100% on my team, reorganising their lives around me, fighting uphill battles with doctors, sitting up with me on painful nights, and showing me patience – never frustration.

I eventually had periods of remission that brought a lot of relief but also a lot of anger, frustration and sadness when symptoms reappeared and interrupted my life. I stopped talking about my JA. It was too hard, and I believed no one could understand. Thankfully though, remission followed me into high school!

I moved onto high school, where I was in classes with a few students from primary school. It was cool having different subjects to study and getting to know new friends. By then, I found it considerably easier to walk distances and even play some netball without too much pain! It was no longer so obvious that I had anything physically wrong with me.

This made it very difficult for me when I had my weeks or days of flare-ups, when the pain would suddenly and viciously return. This was sometimes due to spending too long on my feet shopping and hanging out with my friends, or for no particular reason at all. When this happened, I grew incredibly self-conscious, angry and embarrassed and the last thing I wanted to do was try to explain myself to new friends.

I couldn’t even make sense of it myself.

I tried to hide it from friends, often socially disconnecting, spending lunch alone in the library and wagging P.E classes. I felt quite low during these periods and resorted to denial. I tried to deny the whole situation, even when a friend told me his mum saw an article about my JA experience in New Idea magazine. I flat out denied it (though I think the photos of me in the article gave me away!).

Thankfully, I was invited to attend camps for young people run by the Arthritis Foundation of Victoria (now Musculoskeletal Australia) around this time. At first, I was hesitant to go. But once I got there, I was amazed to be with people my age going through the same stuff, with the same limitations and experiences. It provided a space to let down my guard, have fun, talk about my arthritis without it being a big deal, and have space to vent and complain about things with people who totally got it.

There was no point denying my arthritis around these people or that I was feeling pretty low and angry at times…we all did.

I remember how all the young people had their cortisone shots just before camp so they could participate in the activities. And how at the end of the day, when all our joints were aching, we’d commandeer the spare wheelchairs and motor scooters for a game of wheelie basketball. This peer support didn’t entirely cure how I felt, but it did mark a change in my attitude towards my arthritis and a shift in my social life.

I was more outspoken to friends about my past experiences and current limitations. I found that most people didn’t have lots of questions anyway. We were teenagers, and everyone was wrapped up in themselves!

My pain became quite manageable over the next couple of years. I even wore high heels to my middle school formal – medication-free! However, I still struggled with depression at times and eventually left school.

I went back to school and then to university. I got my Master’s Degree and have spent over 10 years working as a youth worker and in academia.

Apart from the odd flare-ups here and there, I’ve remained in remission. I’ve enjoyed many travel adventures and weekends at music festivals (often on the edge of the dancefloor with friends who know my physical limitations!). I even went on a solo hike around an island in Japan for a month, camping out in a tent!

I’ve also developed osteoporosis, but that’s another story.

As fantastic as it is that there’s growing recognition of the physical toll that JA puts on a young person, it’s essential to consider the psychological and social impact of JA on young people (and on their incredible families). The transition from primary to high school was challenging for me. I believe I would’ve had a much easier time if I’d had access to peer support and targeted mental health support.

If you’ve enjoyed reading my blog, check out my mum’s blog.

Jenny Hill

Lisa Bywaters

04/Aug/2021

Our journey of discovery with juvenile arthritis

Written by Cathy Hill

Arthritis isn’t something you expect to hear your nine-year-old daughter has, but that’s what we were hearing as Jenny and I sat in the rheumatologist’s office in 1991. We’d gone from one doctor to the next, trying to find out what was wrong with Jenny’s ankle, which we thought she’d sprained, but the swelling wouldn’t go down.

Jenny enjoyed playing netball and was a very proficient player. However, a few months earlier she’d tripped over a log after playing netball. Her ankle became swollen and wouldn’t improve. The usual treatments of ice, compression, elevation and rest, did nothing to ease what we assumed was a sprained ankle.

A chiropractor had successfully treated me after I’d had a similar injury, so we took Jenny to see him. After a few sessions with no improvement, he suggested we go to our GP for blood tests, as he felt the problem was ‘something internal’. Our GP refused to listen to what the chiropractor suggested and told Jenny to ‘jump up and down on the trampoline. This upset us, as Jenny had difficulty walking let alone jumping on a trampoline! Our chiropractor then recommended a GP who he felt would listen to us. This GP sent Jenny to have blood tests and then referred Jenny to the rheumatologist we were speaking to now.

We were shocked to think that a 9-year-old could have arthritis. This doctor assured us that it could be treated and that Jenny could lead a healthy and active life. He started her on Voltaren, which certainly brought down the swelling but gave Jenny stomach pains. The doctor then decided to send Jenny to a paediatric rheumatologist at The Royal Children’s Hospital where they were able to successfully change her medication. After a couple of months Jenny’s condition had improved so much that it was declared that Jenny was in remission and she was able to stop the medication.

Unfortunately, this improvement was short-lived, and after another fall at netball Jenny’s right ankle swelled up, this time even worse. Jenny wasn’t able to walk on that leg at all, and I would drop her as close to her classroom as possible so that she could virtually crawl into her classroom. Thankfully she had a very good group of friends who stayed with her at playtimes in the courtyard right outside their room. Jenny would crawl inside the house, and I would have to lift her into the bath at night. Because we’d been told that she was in remission, we decided to try another form of treatment, this time a local naturopath who had been recommended to us. That treatment didn’t work, and Jenny’s foot was not only terribly swollen, but was also sticking out at almost a 45-degree angle from where it should have been!

We didn’t know what to do, so we went back to the GP who originally referred us to the first rheumatologist. He suggested that we try an orthopaedic surgeon who told us that Jenny’s bones in her ankle had fused together, but unfortunately at an unnatural angle. He wanted to be absolutely sure that he was doing the right thing to help Jenny, so he asked us to take her into St Vincent’s Hospital where she would participate in a ‘round table’ of various doctors. The doctors agreed with the orthopaedic surgeon’s first thought that he would manipulate Jenny’s foot under general anaesthetic and put it in a fibreglass cast for 6 weeks. This was done at the beginning of 1992, and thankfully the result was that her foot was at a much more normal angle. However, the foot was still swollen, so it was recommended that we go back to see the rheumatology team at the Children’s.

So began a series of X-rays and scans, new medication, regular physiotherapy, eye check-ups, and included visits to a lady who specialised in ligament damage, and who treated members of the Australian Ballet as well as AFL footballers. I had to do exercises twice daily with Jenny, which resulted in many arguments. I had returned to full-time teaching at the end of 1991, so it was difficult enough getting four children off to school in the mornings and then getting to my own school, as well as finding the time to do the exercises with a reluctant patient! Jenny’s right leg had lost a lot of muscle tone while in the cast, and together with the fused ankle meant that she was not walking properly. It was imperative that we do those exercises, but at that time it was hard for Jenny to understand that, especially as it caused her pain.

We’d contacted the Arthritis Foundation of Victoria (now Musculoskeletal Australia) for support, and they told us about the camps they ran for children with arthritis. Jenny’s rheumatologist was very keen for Jenny to attend, as he was sometimes involved with the camps. Before she attended the first camp, he wanted Jenny to have ultrasound-guided cortisone injections in her foot, under a twilight sedative. He assured us that it was routine for the children to have cortisone injections right before the camps so they could get the most out of the camp activities. Over the next few years Jenny was able to participate in three camps, including one in Sydney with children from all over Australia. The camps were extremely beneficial for Jenny, and indeed all the participants. There were children with all different types of arthritis, some in wheelchairs, and they were offered a wide range of activities which they wouldn’t normally be able to participate in, such as scuba diving.

In 1993, in grade 6, Jenny noticed that when brushing her hair she would have clumps of hair in her brush. She was losing hair in patches. The doctor thought this was probably due to stress. We approached Jenny’s teacher and asked whether she could wear a beanie inside as well as outside, but her teacher said that as they had a policy of no hats inside, it would only serve to draw more attention to her. We could see her reason, so asked our hairdresser whether she thought she could do anything to help. She was able to tie Jenny’s hair back into a ‘half up-half down’ hairstyle, which did a pretty good job of covering the bald patches. Jenny was in a great class with generally very caring kids, so she thankfully didn’t have problems with teasing. Grade 6 also meant school production, and this is where we realised Jenny had a great flair for acting. She committed herself to learning her lines and songs and was cast in one of the lead roles – a little dog called Puddles, who had a ‘wee’ little problem! Looking back now I wonder whether the involvement in the production provided an escape from the arthritis and pain.

Secondary school had its ups and downs. It involved a new set of teachers and a new bunch of kids, mixed in with some friends from primary school. With a letter from her rheumatologist, Jenny was given permission to wear Doc Marten shoes, which gave her right ankle extra support and allowed for the orthotics that had been made for her at the Children’s. The orthotics were used to absorb shock rather than provide arch support like my own orthotics. With the fused ankle Jenny did walk quite flat-footed, but arch supports wouldn’t have helped. Later on it would affect Jenny’s driving, but eventually she found that certain cars that enabled her to sit forwards over the wheel allowed a better angle for her foot, as the fusion of the ankle meant that there was little movement up and down.

At secondary school Jenny had her group of friends from primary school as well as other new friends. However, continuing flare-ups meant that she would often go and find a quiet place by herself at school, which affected some of her friendships. At the time we weren’t always aware of how much pain she was in, otherwise we would’ve asked her doctor whether there was anything else Jenny could take for the pain.

Jenny immersed herself in the music program at school, and we went to several music concerts. She still had a great interest in drama and was enrolled in a local drama school where she took part in several productions. Jenny was able to participate in netball again, although she was confined to the goal third of the court where she became quite a proficient shooter!

When Jenny was 15, her rheumatologist considered that she was in remission, so she was able to stop her medication. She’s now 39 and has chosen to eat a vegan diet, and although Jenny can still have flare-ups of pain in her joints she’s no longer dependent on any arthritis medication.

If you’ve enjoyed reading my blog, check out my daughter’s blog.

Cathy Hill

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Our journey of discovery with juvenile arthritis

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